Posted by: Sunday Smash | January 31, 2010

Think Different

I’m aware mocking the iPad’s name by saying it implies it has a certain use Apple did not intend is what we might call low hanging fruit, but our eternal nemesis Larue is here to kick it up a notch. Gaze deeply into those silver dollar-sized nipples and find your life enriched.

It’s possible Marc and I are the only Apple enthusiasts to not have the slightest interest in the iPad. Forget the attack of the silly name; we named our comic partially after a game for the Nintendo Wii, for goodness’ sake. No, our inability to become excited stems more from not having any idea who this product is for.

What Apple offers us is essentially a gigantic iPod Touch/iPhone, which are two of the most beautifully designed pieces of hardware I’ve laid eyes on. Beyond the immediate aesthetic appeal, however, I just can’t figure out how this device is supposed to improve my life. The functionality outlined by Steve Jobs is all for someone who is not me, if it is for anyone at all. Truthfully, for once I’m inclined to agree with my leprous PC using friends about an Apple product; it is pure “looking cool” factor without much more.

The ability to use all the iPhone apps is cool I guess, but I’m not going to pay $500 for the ability to run a program that makes farting noises when my armpit, utilized properly, will suffice. There may come a day where reading newspaper and magazine subscriptions or books via the device is compelling, but the funny thing about books and magazines is they are actually more portable than the iPad. I don’t care if a page in a magazine gets crinkled, but if my expensive screen got scratched, my world would go black only for me to suddenly come to hours later with crimson on my hands and several felonies under my belt. When on an extended trip away from home, it may eventually become preferable to use the iPad for the sake of space, but as of right now I don’t go anywhere long enough where I’m going to read more than one book or magazine. If I do go anywhere, it’s never for longer than a week and reading is not my focus when I’m away on vacation. I can do that at home.

I guess I’m just not an important enough person to need to use iWork when I’m away from home. Even if I was, I have a Macbook that I can take with me instead. Also, I can play World of Warcraft on the Macbook. I’m really not seeing the benefits here. Essentially Apple is promoting a device that is a Macbook without the keyboard and without the hard drive space or even a single USB port.

The iPad may matter someday, but any and all of its purpose is going to come from what third party developers do with the platform. Even so, I doubt what they do is going to matter enough to justify me ever owning one.

-Kevin

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